


Letter to a Sixteen-Year-Old Girl

by the_moonmoth



Series: The Ocean Echoing [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Epistolary, F/M, POV First Person, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 00:45:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4767200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_moonmoth/pseuds/the_moonmoth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Instead of dying in the hellmouth, Spike finds himself thrown unceremoniously back into the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letter to a Sixteen-Year-Old Girl

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd but I would love constructive crit regardless. First part in a new series of vignettes and short stories.

You wanted to know what's going on? Fine, I'll tell you, but don't you dare say I didn't warn you about it first. And this isn't everything, I'll be clear on that from the start, but it's all I'm going to give you right now so you be grateful for it, young lady.

 

Christ, sorry.

 

You'll understand in a moment.

 

Buffy, it was 2003 and I was burning – dying and laughing, agony and ecstasy and all that. I was saving the damn world, and then I woke up butt naked in your watcher's living room and it was 1996. Time travel, you see? Don't ask me how; I'm no wiser than dear old Rupes. Or, I am, because seven years have passed for me that you lot are just starting out on, but you get what I'm saying. I was never a one for magic.

 

Near as I can figure, I landed back here about the time that you were Called, maybe even the same day because that seems to be the way these things go, isn't it. Rupert's flat was still full of boxes, you were in L.A., and this town that I'd just been about to bring down around my own head was as solid and oblivious as it ever was. Felt pretty lucky the old goat didn't stake me on sight, to be honest, although given that none of that's happened yet... well, never mind. It was confusing, is what I'm saying, and I don't know that I've got it straightened out any better even now.

 

I don't know why I'm here, what my purpose is or even if I have one, and I'll be honest, Buffy, I'm terrified of changing something for the worse. I've read Bradbury, and god knows things were bad enough the first time round. But you asked me if I'm an ally, and the answer is yes.

 

As much as I can be.

 

Though I'll tell you for free: I'm a friend, too. You'll wonder why, no doubt – I wasn't the first time through, and I don't know if somewhere out there is the original version of me (we'll find out for sure in a year or so), but what we became later is much the most important. I helped you, and I want to keep on helping you. You just need to understand, sometimes I can't, and sometimes I shouldn't but I'll do it anyway because honestly? I don't know how I'm not going to fuck this up, but honest to god I will try.

 

Speaking of which. I'm heading out to Alabama for a time. Gonna see if there's something I can do for a friend, and let you get settled into your new home without old Spike haunting your steps; figure you don't need to be explaining about me when you're hanging out with your little friends. Listen to your Watcher and remember what I said about your stakes. You'll be fine.

 

When I get back, we'll talk some more, maybe spar some more too, if you want. There’s something I should tell you before I go, though – an answer I should try to give. Rupert thinks it's important, and you'll be meeting someone soon anyway, who... yeah, never mind again. But you also asked if I was good, and sweetheart, there's no easy answer to that, but you should know I have a soul – my human soul – that I fought for it and won it for the sake of the woman I love. Even before that... but there's no point going into all of that now, just know this: I was a monster, for a very long time. I was evil and I did evil things. That's what vampires are, what we do. I don't want you getting any illusions about me, because there's more blood on my hands than you can ever imagine and I'm still dangerous, but I've been on your team for a long bloody time, Slayer, and that's never going to change.

 

Best that I'm going, too, given that last thing you wondered, because after what I'm about to say, you'll probably want some space from me anyway. I don't want to hurt your feelings, pet, but let's clear the air, alright? I've seen what can go wrong when people don't talk plainly to each other, and believe me, it's not pretty.

 

I never knew you at this age, before, and you're a sweet girl, but you are that – a girl. Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered as all get out, but remember, I knew you in the future, and you wouldn't have wanted things to go that way. I'll still take you for ice cream like you asked me, when I'm home, but as friends and allies, nothing more. In truth, it’s simple, pet: my heart's already given away. Buffy, I don't want your teenage sweetness. Give me my passionate woman, battle-scarred and forged in flame. My love is bright and sharp as sunlight on the blade; you, you've yet to meet your whetstone. And I can't be that for you.

 

So see you soon, Slayer, and let’s have no hard feelings, yeah? Don't go too easy on old Rupes, he’ll need keeping on his toes while I’m away. Kiss your mother for me. I’ll be back before you even notice that I’m gone. 

 

Spike


End file.
